What Can Star Wars Teach Us about Emotional Intelligence?

Managing emotions is something many of us have done plenty of over the last 12 months. But how can we increase our emotional intelligence (EI) and be in complete control of our emotions? For starters, don’t be like a Jedi…

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ILLUMINATION

11 min readMar 9, 2021

I was recently reading a blog on emotional intelligence to my twin 12-year-old girls who were dutifully half-listening while their eyes remained in their natural state, locked on their iPads. Honestly, I was glad to even be getting that much of their attention since a topic like emotional intelligence is as about as interesting to most kids their age as the terms and conditions for a new app.

But if the last 10+ months of more-outrageous-than-reality-TV-living have taught us anything, it’s that we all need powerful tools to help us manage our emotions, connect with others, and maintain our sanity. In a nutshell, we need emotional intelligence (EI).

For Ericsson, that realization led the company to double-down last year on its cultural transformation investment, solidifying EI-rich values such as empathy and humanness and fostering a speak-up environment. And for me at home, it has meant sharing things like mindfulness and EI practices with my unenthusiastic-but-tolerant offspring in the hope that some of it will stick.

The blog I was reading to my kids, written by explain-a-tainment master scribe Eric Barker, is exceptional. But it wasn’t until I read this delightful line that Hana and Haley snapped their eyes up and fully engaged on the topic:

“It’s the difference between handling your anger like an emotional intelligence Jedi or discussing it with the court appointed therapist.” — Eric Barker

My girls and I are unapologetic Star Wars nerds, so it’s no surprise that this got their attention. But then Haley surprised me when she observed that the above line would have been better if “or discussing it with the court-appointed therapist” had instead said, “or becoming a Sith”. I couldn’t disagree with her logic, but it raised an interesting question that sent me down an embarrassingly deep rabbit hole: Were the Jedi good at EI?

Given their penchant for meditating and saying things like, “search your feelings” and, “I can feel the good in you”, it would appear so. Then again, they do spend a lot of time worrying about their adherents experiencing any hint of anger or fear. In addition, turning to the dark side because of those emotions seems to be an occupational hazard.

So, in honor of Disney’s recent slew of Star Wars-related announcements, let’s explore what the legendary Jedi Order can teach us about the not-so-mystical art of emotional intelligence.

First Things First: What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately identify and manage your emotions and the emotions of others. EI has been around for nearly 30 years, so there is enough EI-related content out there to fill Star Destroyer. Fortunately for us, in his aforementioned blog, Barker “intellectually shrink wraps” EI into four key practices (aka the four Rs of EI):

Realize: Being aware of your feelings, what drives them, and the impact they have on others. Self-awareness is the crucial first step to emotional mastery and usually requires asking for and listening to feedback from others. At work, most of us have periodic performance reviews and/or 360 reviews we can leverage to get this kind of feedback.

When it comes to personal relationships, though, you will probably have to go out of your way to get it. For example, if your significant other has been complaining that you’ve been especially cranky lately, ask them to gently tell you, “You’re doing the thing we talked about” whenever you say something abrasive. That can help you understand which emotions and other factors might be driving your behavior, giving you a better chance to change it.

Recognize and label: Use introspection to understand how you are feeling, being as specific as possible. Studies show that the better you can articulate how you are feeling, the more control you will have over those emotions.

You know how you often feel better after simply talking to another person about something that has you feeling anxious, angry or stressed? That’s because talking about and labeling your feelings helps you deal with them, even if it doesn’t solve them. Interestingly, this works even if you’re just talking to yourself. It might feel corny, but saying things like, “I’m feeling anxious about the meeting tomorrow” or “I’m feeling angry about not getting a raise this year” genuinely helps moderate those emotions.

Refine: Get even more specific. The more granular you can be about what you’re feeling and why the greater your emotional mastery will be. Barker recommends broadening your emotional vocabulary (even if it means using a thesaurus) and inventing new terms for specific emotions.

For example, my wife is a great editor and is the first to review my blogs. I love her insight, but she pulls zero punches. And, as any writer knows, getting tough feedback on a piece you’ve invested a lot of time in is like someone calling your kid ugly. So, whenever I send her something to review, my life turns into a complicated labyrinth of hope, excitement, anxiety, panic, vulnerability, and impatience while I’m waiting for her feedback. During those probably-60-but-it-feels-like-infinity minutes, I become a pacing, cranky, on-edge mess of a human. (Editor note: He really does).

To help me cope with this unique tangle of emotions, I recently labeled the feeling “HEAPVI”. Super creative? No. Effective? Surprisingly, yes.

Reframe to regulate: Find a new way to look at things. Stressed about a new work assignment? Try to think of it as a challenge that will help advance your career. I’ve previously written about how much I dread public speaking. One thing that helps with that is thinking about my anxiety as excitement to show off what I know (this can also help with test anxiety). Barker explains that emotions are not bound to physics, they are subject to interpretation, and you can control the narrative. Reframing can be the most difficult of the four Rs to master, but also the most powerful.

With the four Rs tucked safely into our utility belt, we’ll look in on three scenes from the Star Wars movies to see how our Jedi heroes fare at EI.

Scene 1: Yoda Counsels Anakin

We start with a scene from Revenge of the Sith. Anakin Skywalker has been struggling with hyper-vivid dreams of Padme, his secret wife, dying. That’s enough to throw anyone off their game, but we know from the previous movies that Anakin already has abandonment issues from losing his mom. He is also known to have dreams that accurately predict the future. This is a bad combination.

Anakin realizes he needs help, so he dials up his Employee Assistance Program and secures a counseling session with Master Yoda himself. An infamous, shadow-heavy scene follows where Yoda gives a clearly troubled Anakin his best Jedi advice. How does Yoda’s counsel align with the four Rs? Queue up your best Frank Oz voice; we’ve got Yoda quotes:

“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.”

Fair enough, but it’s also a normal human emotion, and a reasonable one for someone with Anakin’s history to experience. Still, an okay piece of realization/recognition to help Anakin identify and articulate his feelings.

“Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.”

Identifying Anakin’s “attachment” technically counts as refinement. But really? Nothing on Anakin’s fear of abandonment? Or how he feels the need to protect his wife because he couldn’t help his mom before? Sure, Anakin does seem the jealous type, but there’s obviously more going on here. In his obsession to make sure Anakin avoids the dark side, Yoda zeroes in on Anakin’s potential jealousy, rather than helping him sort through the feelings he is having right now. A big misstep here by Yoda.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into The Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.”

A little zealot-y perhaps, but asking Anakin to look at things from a different perspective and cast death in a more positive light is a classic example of reframing to regulate.

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

This is where Yoda’s advice careens off the EI the rails. EI teaches us that you cannot stop feeling something through force of will. Telling Anakin to simply stop feeling those human attachments will be no more effective than telling someone who is furious that they should just calm down.

On balance, disappointing stuff from Anakin’s counselor/teacher/boss. Little wonder, then, that Anakin continued down his path of fear and anger. Or that he eventually turned to the dark side in a final, desperate bid to save his loved one.

Look, Anakin made his own choices, and I’m not saying it’s the Jedi’s fault Anakin became Darth Vader. I’m just saying that for all their supposed emotional control, the Jedi’s insistence that everyone in their club forgo human attachments and control their feelings through force of will is harmful and doomed to fail. So, yeah, I am saying it’s the Jedi’s fault Anakin became Darth Vader. Sorry, I lied to you earlier, I wasn’t sure if you were ready to hear that. Let’s head to the next scene and see if things get any better.

Scene 2: Ben Advises Luke

Fast forward to Return of the Jedi. We find Anakin’s son, Luke, in the swamps of Degobah talking to his former mentor, Ben Kenobi (technically Ben’s Force ghost). Through a nifty bit of introspection, Luke had just realized that Princess Leia was his sister. This was exciting news, but he was undoubtedly experiencing many complicated emotions. He had not only spent his entire life believing he was an only child, he had fought side-by-side for years with Leia without knowing she was family. Leia once even gave Luke a super-icky-in-retrospect kiss. What was see-through Ben’s advice to help Luke process it all?

“Your insight serves you well. Bury your feelings deep down Luke. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor.” — Actual quote from Force Ghost Kenobi

Uh oh. I’m getting a real déjà vu vibe here. To be fair, Ben does acknowledge Luke’s feelings as a positive thing. But then he tells Luke to bottle those feelings up and just try to ignore them. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

Scene 3: Luke Vs. Vader II (and Hand Puns!)

Later in that same movie, Luke and Vader face off for a final duel on the second Death Star. They are pitched in a fierce lightsaber battle, and Luke is holding his own. As he’s fighting, Luke is also doing his level best to follow Ben’s advice and suppress his feelings for Leia. But it doesn’t work. Vader senses his thoughts and learns about Leia. Then, when Dad casually suggests bringing sis in on the family business, our man Cool Hand Luke loses his last ounce of mellow.

In a full rage, Luke unfurls a salvo of wild blows so powerful he handily incapacitates Vader by, well, removing his hand. This is great, but Luke’s little outburst now has him firmly on the path to becoming a resentment-driven killbot, playing right into the Emperor’s hands.

However, before Luke delivers a final, fatal blow to Vader’s mechanized dad bod, he has a moment of clarity and gets a grip. But not because of his Jedi training, which taught him to bury his emotions. Instead, Luke executes the four Rs of EI:

With some help from his dad’s know-it-all boss (“I can FEEL your hate”), Luke realized his anger was getting out of hand.
After his tantrum helped him unhand Vader, Luke recognized that his anger control issues were turning him into his father.
To put his finger on the specific problem, Luke refined his anger by coining the term “Sith-triggered*”, which is the feeling of white-hot rage that comes when a Sith Lord threatens to dark side a loved one. *Probably
Bonus refinement: Luke also had an intense “handrony” moment, which is the feeling of horror you get when you realize that you and your dad both have severed hands and are therefore exactly alike.
Finally, Luke reframed the situation. Yes, he and his dad were alike, but he focused on the positive side of that equation. They were both Jedi. And even though things looked bad, Luke resolved that he wouldn’t become the Emperor’s next Force-powered WMD. Either Dad would come around and help him take Palpatine down, or Luke would die a Jedi and leave the Imperial succession plan short-handed.

If we’re picking nits, it would be fair to say there are better ways to deal with your feelings than beating your old man silly with a laser sword. Overall, though, a well-done bit of EI from the young-ish Jedi.

The point to take away from these three examples, other than the fact that the Jedi need to take a hard look at their training manual, is that wanting to control negative emotions is not enough. That’s not how people are wired, regardless of their Midi-chlorian count. But we can influence how we feel if we use emotional intelligence to realize, recognize, refine, and reframe our emotions. You may not prevent the next planet-killing space station from being built (Empire’s gonna Empire), but with a little practice, you can increase your EI and gain mastery of your emotions.

Ericsson and Emotional Intelligence

EI isn’t just important for family squabbles in far-away galaxies. Here is Ericsson’s Chief Learning Officer, Vidya Krishnan, on the value of EI for learning and development in business:

“Learning is amplified by the well-being of our people. We know it takes a shared journey of self-love, self-care and self-acceptance to use the tools of emotional intelligence to unlock learning. Because nothing unlocks learning quite like learning about ourselves.
Learning is a habit that matters at Ericsson; we have zero tolerance for zero learning. This experiential approach to learning drives our people and our programs to value, include and deepen emotional intelligence.
The technology that is changing our world is inherently and infinitely upgradeable — just like us. That’s precisely why emotional intelligence and learning go together like, well, Jedi and lightsabers. The synergy helps us create the conditions in which our people can change themselves, growing their skills and mindsets to unleash the unstoppable force of ‘becoming’.”

If you want to learn more about career opportunities with a company that values emotional intelligence, visit Ericsson’s Careers page. And since it wouldn’t be a Star Wars blog if I didn’t say it at least once, I’ll just conclude with this…

May the Force be with you!

Originally published in the Ericsson.com blog.